No matter how much caregivers want to ignore their own needs and focus on the older adult in their care, the role can (and will) nevertheless weigh on their nerves. Many caregivers report hitting that wall of frustration, feeling the mounting stress—and then often feeling guilty for not always staying positive.
Yet, these feelings of burnout are rampant, affecting nearly everyone who assumes the role of senior caregiver. Seasons interviewed several caregivers, both paid and unpaid, current and former, to find out when they knew they hit that point of burnout—and what they did to overcome it.
Elizabeth Miller, certified caregiving consultant, comments from “Self-Care for Caregivers” webinar
“I used to say, if I wasn’t burned out, I was definitely slightly charred at the edges … Common signs are withdrawing from people like friends of yours or activities that you used to enjoy. And it just seems like too hard, too much work. Another sign can be relying on some unhealthy substances to kind of get you through the day.
“One of my signs of burnout was I had a really short fuse. I tend to be a pretty positive person, but I wasn’t recognizing who I was. I was just flying off the handle … And then just health-wise, I was gaining weight. Some people might be losing weight, getting sick more often. These are all signs that your immunity is really compromised. Then of course the one that’s a really serious one is just a feeling of hopelessness. And, you know, if you’re feeling like you’re gonna hurt yourself or somebody that you love, then you need to go get help—like immediately.”
…if you’re feeling like you’re gonna hurt yourself or somebody that you love, then you need to go get help—like immediately.
Rayna Neises, ACC, former caregiver, ICF Associate Certified Coach
“I didn’t find myself at a total burnout place, but I did learn signs that warned me I was not caring for myself in the way I needed to. During my caring season, I learned to do regular weekly check-ins with me to see how I was handling all the things that are caregiving. I asked myself how I was doing: What was working well for me? What was working well for Dad? What wasn’t working well? And what did I need that I wasn’t getting?
“Anytime I found myself losing patience or skipping caregiving tasks that weren’t musts, I knew I needed a break or to figure out what was burning me out. To me, the key was to set things up so that I didn’t get to this point or to identify my fatigue early. It takes intentional living to avoid burnout as a caregiver.”
It takes intentional living to avoid burnout as a caregiver.
Kathryn Herrington, professional caregiver
“Sometimes when I get burned out, I feel angry, and then I feel guilty for feeling angry. If I am rolling my eyes when asked to do a task, I know I need to stop and take a deep breath, grab a drink of water, etc. If it becomes something I’m doing daily, maybe it is time to ask for some help. It can be a bad cycle to stay in if you don’t give yourself a break.
“For instance, right now I work four days a week Monday through Thursday, and my Friday is mine. I get my hair done, go to therapy, or chill out on the couch and eat potato chips, etc. I’m pretty sure if I didn’t have that one day to myself, I would pull my hair out.”
I’m pretty sure if I didn’t have that one day to myself, I would pull my hair out.
Nicole Dauz, founder of Selfcare4Caregivers
“Due to my ego telling me that I was strong – and my own stubbornness – I hit my limit when my body decided to scream at the top of its lungs in the form of a panic attack at work when it hurt to breathe, and I could only take shallow breaths. I had lost all control over my body. An ambulance was called, and I was taken to the emergency room. That’s where the doctor told me I was healthy and that my vitals were good. And that’s the moment when I realized that there were no doctors specializing in supporting family caregivers, and I realized that I was on my own. That was the day I decided to start listening to my body and stop being a martyr.”
I decided to start listening to my body and stop being a martyr.
Jessica H., current caregiver
“I think my burnout began when I started to realize the fact that ‘I’m a caregiver’ is a true statement—that this is the real deal. It worsened when I started looking around for a caregiving manual, only to have an existential crisis when I realized there was no such thing, and that the person I normally go to for advice for such things is too preoccupied with the act of dying a little every day – in small and big ways – right in front of my eyes to help me. I think the burnout started when I realized I was alone in this.
“I’m still burned out. I can’t concentrate worth a damn … My days are as chaotic as my dad’s mind is on any given day. I’m tired but can’t sleep. I’m grieving somebody I talk to every day, which is totally disorienting. I’m lonely and isolated. My body is wrecked; I’m just not healthy like I used to be.”
How to fight caregiver burnout: More from Seasons
Avoiding senior caregiver burnout
Avoiding caregiver burnout and maintaining mental health
Caregiver burnout: Setting limits as a caregiver
Meditation to reduce stress in caregivers
8 tips for managing caregiver stress
Common sense tips for caregivers when they feel they’re at rope’s end