There’s a lot of buzz about three things lately: self-care, habits and creating self-care habits.
Yet, there’s not a lot of consensus on the definitions of self-care or habits, much less how to go about combining the two.
So, as a caregiver, how do you integrate self-care habits into your daily routine—and, unlike a New Year’s resolution, actually make them stick?
How to build self-care habits into your daily caregiving routine
Self-care is any proactive activity – enjoyable or not – that strengthens our mind, body and soul and prepares us for a better future. As a caregiver, caring for yourself first and foremost is the single most important – and one of the most often neglected – things you can do. If you go down, your loved one goes down with you.
But among all the demands of your day, it may simply seem impractical (or near impossible) to make time for self-care, right?
That’s when you need to make self-care a habit.
“Habits are the small decisions you make and actions you perform every day,” writes James Clear, habit guru and author of “Atomic Habits.” “According to researchers at Duke University, habits account for about 40% of our behaviors on any given day. Your life today is essentially the sum of your habits.”
He explains that what you repeatedly do ultimately forms the person you are, your beliefs and your personality—similar to the Aristotle saying: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
Deconstructing habits
A habit is a process. All habits comprise the same four stages, which Clear refers to as the Four Laws of Behavior Change: Cue → Craving → Response → Reward.
Even turning on a light switch is an example of a habit:
- Cue: A room is dark.
- Craving: You want (i.e., crave) the room to be light.
- Response: You automatically (without thinking much about it) flip the light switch.
- Reward: Light is produced.
The reward (light) satisfies the craving (wanting it to be light) and reinforces the response (flipping the switch), which creates a feedback loop each time you encounter a dark room (cue). This feedback loop is the habit.
When we come across a new cue, we’ll fiddle around with new responses and repeat those that trigger the reward most reliably and with the least effort. The repetition makes it a habit.
How to make self-care habits stick
The Four Laws of Behavior Change provides a simple set of rules for creating good habits and breaking bad ones.
You can think of each law as a cog in the machine that governs your behavior: When all the cogs are in the right place, creating a good habit is effortless, but it’s nearly impossible to get the machine to move forward when even just one of the “cogs” is slightly out of place.
For example, the cog – “cue” – instigates the positive response, so the cue needs to be blatantly obvious—as obvious as an unlit room.
Clear says the first step is to identify your current habits and the new habits you want to implement and create a list.
For caregivers, we recommend the following self-care habits:
- Exercise by taking short walks daily.
- Listen to guided relaxation meditations.
- Schedule short rest periods between activities.
- Make it a priority to get a good night’s sleep.
- Learn something new by making time to read or study (a new language, perhaps?).
- Write/journal daily.
- Cook at home.
- Engage in a creative hobby.
- Save money.
- Go to bed at the same time each night and get eight hours of sleep.
- Exercise by taking short walks daily.
- Listen to guided relaxation meditations.
- Schedule short rest periods between activities.
- Make it a priority to get a good night’s sleep.
- Learn something new by making time to read or study (a new language, perhaps?).
- Write/journal daily.
- Cook at home.
- Engage in a creative hobby.
- Save money.
- Go to bed at the same time each night and get eight hours of sleep.
You can then use two methods – implementation intentions and/or habit stacking – to create the new habit and make it stick.
How to use implementation intentions
An implementation intention is a plan for when, where and what time you will do the habit. Research shows that people who make a specific plan for when and where they will perform a habit are more likely to follow through.
Clear states, “Many people think they lack motivation when what they really lack is clarity.” Making an implementation intention removes the need to wait around for “the right time to start” the new habit.
Simply make a plan: “I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].” For example, I will meditate for one minute at 7:30 a.m. in the kitchen.
How to use habit stacking
Habit stacking pairs your habit with a current habit you do each day (as opposed to a specific time and location) to create an obvious cue.
For example: “After I pour my morning cup of coffee, I will meditate for one minute at the kitchen table.”
The new habit (meditation) is “stacked” on the current habit (pouring coffee).
And the fun part? You can stack multiple habits on top of each other, he writes. “After I pour my morning cup of coffee, I will meditate for one minute at the kitchen table, then write my to-do list for the day.”
Clear outlines many other ways to create new habits in his book; aligning each of those cogs will bring you to certain habit changes.
Remember, you repeat bad habits not because you don’t want to change but because you have the wrong system for change.
Self-care habits can be built, and it’s important for your caregiving journey to start working on your next good habit today.